It IS About You: Why Advocates Can’t— and Shouldn’t— Leave Themselves Out of the Work
by Dr. Kate Watson
In the field of victim advocacy, there’s a common piece of advice:
“Don’t take it personally.”
“Don’t make it about you.”
“Leave your stuff at the door.”
These phrases are meant to help advocates stay grounded, client-centered, and professional—and in some moments, that guidance is useful. But taken too literally, it sends a message that is both unrealistic and unhelpful: that you, the advocate, must somehow be a blank slate in order to do your job well.
The truth? You can’t separate yourself from this work. And more importantly, you shouldn’t.
We Bring Ourselves to the Work—Always
Every advocate walks into the room with a full internal world:
Your thoughts
Your emotions
Your bodily reactions
Your personal history
Your triggers
Your values
Your cultural lens
Whether you realize it or not, these parts of you are present in every interaction—with every survivor, in every decision, and in every pause. You might tighten your jaw when you hear a familiar story. You might feel a surge of protectiveness toward someone who reminds you of a loved one. You might get frustrated with a client who makes choices you don’t understand. These are human reactions, not professional failings.
The work is personal. How could it not be, when you're walking alongside people through some of the most vulnerable and painful moments of their lives?
The Goal Isn’t Detachment
Trying to “leave yourself at the door” doesn’t protect you from burnout or bias. It simply drives your reactions underground—where they’re more likely to come out sideways. When we pretend that we’re not affected, we risk becoming disconnected, performative, or even harmful.
The goal isn’t detachment.
The goal is awareness.
It’s not about erasing yourself from the work. It’s about becoming curious and honest about the self you bring into it.
What Self-Awareness Looks Like in Advocacy
Noticing when a survivor’s story hits close to home—and giving yourself space to process that later
Recognizing when your cultural beliefs about family, justice, or healing are shaping your interpretation of a client’s choices
Understanding the way your own trauma, privilege, or identity may influence your gut reactions
Acknowledging when your values come into tension with a client’s decisions—and handling that with respect and humility
When we know ourselves more clearly, we can better show up with intention instead of assumption. We can remain centered, not because we’re unaffected—but because we’re tending to what’s being stirred inside us.
Embracing the Personal Makes You a Stronger Advocate
Rather than being a liability, your humanity is part of your power as an advocate. Survivors don’t need perfect robots. They need real people who are willing to listen, to learn, and to sit with discomfort.
When we stop pretending we can be neutral, we can finally focus on being honest, humble, and present. This is how we build trust. This is how we do less harm. This is how we grow.
Yes, the work is about the survivor. But it is also—inevitably—about you.
Not in a self-centered way, but in a self-aware way. The more you understand your inner world, the more capable you are of holding space for someone else’s.
So the next time you hear, “Don’t make it about you,” try reimagining it:
“Be aware of what you bring. And use that awareness to be of service.”
That’s not unprofessional.
That’s what integrity looks like in this deeply human work.